Discussing A Double Life

[papillion_de_resistance]

Who: Ian and Gabriel
Where: Ian's room
When: Shortly after the memory event
What: Gabriel stops in to consult Ian on a somewhat thorny problem
Warnings: Discussion of gender issues, if that needs a warning. Will update if need be.

Gabriel had intended to talk to Ian sooner, but the latest bout of strange magical phenomena had occurred. Not wanting their discussion to be interrupted by random visions of...- could they really be called 'memories' if the events hadn't happened yet? No matter...- he'd opted to hold off until he was sure that had settled down. Things seemed to be back to normal now though, so he deemed it a good time to approach them.

Trying not to feel too awkward, he knocked on the door to Ian's room. "Ian?", he said. "It's Gabriel Agreste. May I come in?"

Comments

[ubuntu_programmer]

Ian was still reeling from all they had learned over the past few days. It showed when they opened the door, because they were paler than usual and had not yet put on any makeup. "Ah, yes, sure. Sorry about the mess."

And it was a mess. Ian had kept the bed more or less clear, but projects and components littered pretty much every other flat surface, and wires draped over some surfaces that weren't.

They seemed to have been working on a dozen projects at once from the amount of clutter.

[papillion_de_resistance]

Usually when people said that it really wasn't much of a mess. This time was an exception. Though it wasn't the sort of mess that spoke of laziness or a lack of desire to clean; quite the opposite, in fact. It was the sort of semi-controlled chaos that came from working on many things at once.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," he said, both in reference to the mess and the fact that Ian was looking a bit paler than usual. And unlike most people, there was a sense that it was more than just a peasantry, and that if it really was a bad time, he'd come back later. The emotions he was picking up were rather unsettled, and this wasn't some sort of crisis that needed dealing with immediately.

He did smile a bit as he glanced around the room at the various in-progress projects. "I see your creative process tends toward controlled chaos too," he said. "I tend to try to keep mine confined to my worktable and its immediate surroundings, but I imagine that's a bit harder when you're working with technology rather than fabric."

[ubuntu_programmer]

"I've worked with fabric before. Not to your level, but some items of clothes are bespoke or bust. My apartment was worse than this when I was doing that."

They shook their head. "Never mind. Can I help with something? Putting together a trivia team is a great way to get more socialization in, if that's what you need help with."

Someone recognizes isolation and loneliness, okay?

[papillion_de_resistance]

"An interesting idea, though I'm not certain how well it would work given that we're from entirely different versions of Earth," he said. "A correct answer in your world could easily be incorrect in mine, and vice-versa. And a number of people here aren't from any version of Earth, which would make things especially challenging." He considered for a moment, but ultimately set it aside. "Perhaps later though."

"I actually came to talk to you about a somewhat more serious matter. Though before I get into it, I need to ask you to keep the discussion between us, if that's alright. It's nothing dangerous or illegal, but does involve some highly personal information that the person who shared it with me isn't ready to have generally known. I'm only sharing it with you with their express permission, and on the condition that the discussion remain confidential."

[ubuntu_programmer]

"Exactly," Ian said with a grin. "We can have fun coming up with facts we could share with each other. But also we could have categories about this world. So we all learn more about where we are now. An excuse to raid the libraries, anyway."

"As for secrets..." they dropped into a chair, one of the few open surfaces. "I am familiar with NDAs, I can keep secrets in general. This place, however, seems to like to drag secrets out in public."

[papillion_de_resistance]

He was a bit puzzled at the description of the game. It didn't sound quite like what he'd been thinking of. But that was a discussion for another time.

"Yes, well I don't think either of us can be held responsible for something the environment decides to do," he said. Though that did bring up a risk he hadn't considered, he put that aside for the moment as well. "As long as you don't willingly tell anyone, that'll suffice I think."

There was really only one other place to sit down that he could see, but since it was the bed, he thought it only polite to ask, "Is it alright if I sit here?" After all, it didn't really do to just assume it was OK to sit on someone else's bed.

[ubuntu_programmer]

"Oh, yeah sure. Feel free. Or I can clear the chair. Either or. And if it is acknowledged that it is only willfully breaking the NDA that will be problematic then very well, provided keeping the secret does not put anyone in danger or risk of harm. If the secret is that someone is suicidal for example, and there is someone else that can help them..."

[papillion_de_resistance]

"No, there's no risk of harm to anyone involved," he said, sitting down on the bed. "Well, not physical harm, at least."

Nonetheless, his expression had turned more serious. "You're familiar with the young twins, Nadeshiko and Nagihiko, correct?" Ian had helped with the fashion show, so he knew they were at least aware of the twins' existence. "The secret is... they're not twins. Lamp-related magical happenings aside, they're actually just one person."

[ubuntu_programmer]

"So... are we talking multiple personalities, two spirit, Plural pride... Or is one of them closeted Trans and trying out how they feel in their preferred gender when they feel brave enough to do so?"

[papillion_de_resistance]

"I'm not entirely sure how to define them," he said. "There definitely seem to be two personalities there, but whether they fit the clinical definition or not..." He trailed off a moment, thoughtfully.

"Perhaps I should explain the situation in a bit more detail. Biologically speaking, they were born male, as Nagihiko. But apparently it's a tradition in the Fujisaki family for male children to be raised and treated as girls for the first twelve years of their lives in order to better be able to dance the female parts in traditional Japanese dance. The reverse might also be true for female children, though I didn't ask, as it's not relevant to their particular situation. During that time, they are taught to live, speak, and dress entirely as a girl and are called by a female name, with their male side rarely- if ever- acknowledged."

"At twelve years old, they're reintroduced to the world as their male identity; presumably that age was chosen as not long after that puberty would make certain things... rather more difficult to disguise. They're then expected to set aside that female identity, and take up living their life as male from then on. Which needless to say, is far easier said than done."

[ubuntu_programmer]

"That is... radically as opposite from how that would be in my world," Ian said, leaning back. "That... has got to be some strong dysphoria. How can I help?"

[papillion_de_resistance]

"Given how they were made to keep it a secret, I suspect their situation isn't considered the norm by any means in their world either," he said. "I only found out about their situation quite by accident while I was fitting their outfits for the the fashion show, and Nagihiko was rather shocked and frightened at first."

"But yes, you're absolutely right, which is why I wanted to talk to you. While I can offer them general support, their situation is unique and complicated, and not something I have much personal experience with. So rather than give poorly informed advice, I got their permission to speak to you about it." Lest they worry he was going behind the child's back regarding this.

"While it will ultimately be up to them to shape their own identity, right now they're a child who's in a difficult and frightening position. And I'm not certain what advice to give them on the matter. My personal opinions on their parents' choices aside, they are still their family, and tradition and filial loyalty are very important in Japanese culture as I understand it. And they've strongly implied that unless they make a choice, they will not be allowed to inherit the family name or dance studio, which is something they very much want, as no matter the personality, they're deeply passionate about their love of dance."

"And even if I were certain how to advise them regarding their family, that doesn't address the root of the issue. They seem resigned to the idea that they'll have to lose half of themselves to be accepted, though neither half of them wants it. I don't know whether to try and help them through the choice, to try to help reconcile the two into one nonbinary individual, or to try and find some other solution. The only thing that's clear is that their current situation isn't sustainable long term."

[ubuntu_programmer]

"It certainly does not seem sustainable from what you are saying at the moment, but the solution may wind up closer to where they are now than you might think. No one should be forced to give up half of themselves, and even if their family cannot accept it, if that is what they ultimately want I can give them resources and ways to find help when they return home if their Japan is anything like the one in my world. And if they don't want to be both, I can hopefully help them come to terms with that choice as well. The important thing is returning to them the agency they should have had, that was taken from them. Specifically they need encouragement and support in the choice being theirs and theirs alone, comfort that no choice made has to be forever, and advice when asked and when asked only."

[papillion_de_resistance]

He nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, restoring their agency is definitely of paramount importance," he said. "And might well help Nagihiko gain some confidence. Quite understandably, Nadeshiko is by far the more confident aspect between the two; Nagihiko is rather awkward and shy and not especially comfortable in his own skin. Except for... hmm..."

He paused a moment, considering. "When he first tried on the suit I made for him, it seemed to give him quite the confidence boot. And he enjoyed not being able to see any aspect of Nadeshiko when he looked in the mirror while wearing it. Do you think another outfit or two designed to help him look a bit more masculine would be helpful at all?"

[ubuntu_programmer]

"That could. Though rather than focusing on masculinity, maybe more of a focus on how Nagihiko sees himself as separate, what he likes that is just him. It might not be gender based at all."