"Lea..." she said gently, as she processed all that and tried to figure out how to explain what she wanted to say to that. She finally sighed. "I think perhaps I am a bad example," she shook her head. "When I was training... We were aware of the possibility for danger and we prepared for it... but we lived a lot the way you were describing with the school. The day before everything went horribly wrong our biggest worries were our Mastery exams and the fact that Ven wasn't allowed to test with us. We played games together after our homework was done, and our Master even joined us sometimes. We went out at night to watch the stars, got up some mornings to watch the sunrise. We had peace. And for most Keyblade Masters in history... that was what life was. Peace, but being prepared and preparing other to defend that peace if needed. The problem is... Well, problems, I suppose..."
She took a breath. "There is a saying. Well behaved people rarely make history. The first problem is exactly that. History books spend most of their breadth on intense but comparatively short times that came before. Going from, let's say the Mark of Mastery exam for me and Terra until the end of the war... It was less than 11 years. Then look at the years before that, and you have an exponentially longer time before you get to the last big conflict than was spent in that one. But History rarely talks about decades or centuries of peace. That's for cultural anthropologists, but as History is often a required course and most places do not even offer cultural anthropology as an option until after schooling is no longer compulsory. So the view most people get of history is framed entirely by conflict." She considered. "Though one history book I read at Master Xavier's school was absolutely an exception. It was called 1587, A Year Of No Significance. But that is beside the point. The point I am trying to make is that most Keyblade Masters did exactly what you said you liked best about Diatu. Learning, focusing on studies, being safe around people they cared about who were also safe. But the history that we learn rarely reflects that."
She sighed. "And of course the other problem is me. I'm not.... typical..." she said, slowly. "And if I am the only real example you have to go by then... I appologize. I can't stop being me, and I will not. But I appologize for the impression you get from me. I... am like a history book, I guess. I am trapped in the constant cycle of combat and danger so much so that it looks like that is all there is to my story. Because every time I see the Keyblade war end... I leave, and wind up in another reality where it is still raging, and I step in to help," her voice was soft then. She kept speaking, even though it hurt. "But it isn't that I don't want peace too. I do. If Ven and Terra arrived here tomorrow the temptation to stay.... it would be painful to not. But the guilt I would feel if they weren't my Terra and My Ven..." she shook her head. A tear falling. "That's why I have to keep moving on. Why I feel guilty staying here, even though I have no real choice in the matter. Because somewhere out there is a Terra and a Ven whose Aqua.... just vanished. They can't find me until I find our reality again. And... it is more than just one... And I do not think I could ever even begin to choose. I want home," she said quietly but emphatically, the words hurting to speak, but she spoke them. "But I'll never truly have it. Because I can't."
A deep breath, then she wiped her tears and got back on track. "But you can. Xion can. Roxas can." She tried to give him a smile, it wobbled a bit. "Being a Master wouldn't change that after the war the three of you can live in peace and just... be safe and happy. All it means is that you and those you would be teaching would be ready to protect that peace if it was again threatened. You wouldn't be seeking out that danger, Lea. You would just be ready to stand up and protect those you care about if that danger did come again. Statistically it would be highly unlikely, but we all know you can't rely on statistics. But if danger did come again, wouldn't you rather be there, ready and able to face it... rather than blindsided and unable to help until many hav already suffered?" she asked, softly, looking down at her hands. Almost as if she was asking herself as much as she was asking him.
no subject
She took a breath. "There is a saying. Well behaved people rarely make history. The first problem is exactly that. History books spend most of their breadth on intense but comparatively short times that came before. Going from, let's say the Mark of Mastery exam for me and Terra until the end of the war... It was less than 11 years. Then look at the years before that, and you have an exponentially longer time before you get to the last big conflict than was spent in that one. But History rarely talks about decades or centuries of peace. That's for cultural anthropologists, but as History is often a required course and most places do not even offer cultural anthropology as an option until after schooling is no longer compulsory. So the view most people get of history is framed entirely by conflict." She considered. "Though one history book I read at Master Xavier's school was absolutely an exception. It was called 1587, A Year Of No Significance. But that is beside the point. The point I am trying to make is that most Keyblade Masters did exactly what you said you liked best about Diatu. Learning, focusing on studies, being safe around people they cared about who were also safe. But the history that we learn rarely reflects that."
She sighed. "And of course the other problem is me. I'm not.... typical..." she said, slowly. "And if I am the only real example you have to go by then... I appologize. I can't stop being me, and I will not. But I appologize for the impression you get from me. I... am like a history book, I guess. I am trapped in the constant cycle of combat and danger so much so that it looks like that is all there is to my story. Because every time I see the Keyblade war end... I leave, and wind up in another reality where it is still raging, and I step in to help," her voice was soft then. She kept speaking, even though it hurt. "But it isn't that I don't want peace too. I do. If Ven and Terra arrived here tomorrow the temptation to stay.... it would be painful to not. But the guilt I would feel if they weren't my Terra and My Ven..." she shook her head. A tear falling. "That's why I have to keep moving on. Why I feel guilty staying here, even though I have no real choice in the matter. Because somewhere out there is a Terra and a Ven whose Aqua.... just vanished. They can't find me until I find our reality again. And... it is more than just one... And I do not think I could ever even begin to choose. I want home," she said quietly but emphatically, the words hurting to speak, but she spoke them. "But I'll never truly have it. Because I can't."
A deep breath, then she wiped her tears and got back on track. "But you can. Xion can. Roxas can." She tried to give him a smile, it wobbled a bit. "Being a Master wouldn't change that after the war the three of you can live in peace and just... be safe and happy. All it means is that you and those you would be teaching would be ready to protect that peace if it was again threatened. You wouldn't be seeking out that danger, Lea. You would just be ready to stand up and protect those you care about if that danger did come again. Statistically it would be highly unlikely, but we all know you can't rely on statistics. But if danger did come again, wouldn't you rather be there, ready and able to face it... rather than blindsided and unable to help until many hav already suffered?" she asked, softly, looking down at her hands. Almost as if she was asking herself as much as she was asking him.